Being Assertive vs. Aggressive

In the last few years, I have found myself in healthcare settings where either I or a loved one felt overwhelmed, unheard, confused, or ignored. As a nurse, I understand firsthand how difficult it can be to provide every patient with the attention they deserve due to staffing shortages and the constraints of bureaucracy. It’s a tough position to be in, and I have deep empathy for my fellow healthcare workers.

However, as a patient, you still have every right to ask for and advocate for what you need—firmly yet respectfully. Navigating the healthcare system can feel daunting, but knowing how to stand up for yourself and your loved ones can make all the difference. This article will explore how to learn the art of advocating.

1. Definitions.

   To start this discussion, let’s go back to the basics—the definition of each word. Many people struggle with advocacy because they fear being perceived as demanding, inconsiderate, or pushy. In their minds, speaking up is associated with something negative. However, that perception is actually tied to aggression, not advocacy.

   Advocating is about being assertive—clear, respectful, and confident in communicating what you need and what you want to happen next. There’s a key difference between being aggressive and being assertive, and understanding that difference can empower you in any healthcare setting. Here are some examples of being assertive in healthcare situations:

   • I noticed a change in my medication. Can you explain the reasoning behind this change and any potential side effects?

   • Can you please give me more details about my diagnosis? I want to fully understand it and how it affects my treatment options.

   • I know you're busy, but I need more time to discuss my concerns. Can we schedule another appointment or extend this one?

   • My loved one is in pain. Can you please provide us with some options to obtain relief?

   • Before we move forward with the next steps, I would like to understand more about how this treatment will address my current issue and what potential side effects I should be aware of.

   • I was told I would have an answer by now, but I haven’t received any updates. Could you please fill me in or page the doctor for more information?

   • What are other treatment options that would be a fit for this situation, and why are they not the best ones given my specific situation,

   • Can you please send the provider in, I am still unclear in why this is the best next step in my care.

   • I’d like to get a second opinion before deciding on surgery. Can you refer me to another specialist?

2. Preparation 

   Advocating effectively starts before you even walk into a doctor's office or hospital. Just like you would prepare for an important meeting, presentation, or event, you need to be ready with information, questions, and a plan.

   Preparation can take many forms, such as:

   • Write down symptoms, concerns, or questions ahead of time. This can be a brainstorming session with trusted people who know you or your loved one well.

   • Don’t be afraid to ask, "Why?" Ask questions if something is unclear or you don’t understand a recommendation. You have the right to understand your healthcare choices fully.

   • Bring a notebook or use your phone to jot down important details during the visit. This will serve as a support system, allowing you or your loved one to focus on the conversation at hand while also capturing important information for later.

   • Research potential treatment options or understand your diagnosis. While knowing what to expect is helpful, keeping an open mind is important. Discuss your findings with your provider to ensure you're on the same page. Additionally, only rely on trusted sources for your research—not all sources are created equal.

   • Have a trusted friend or family member present. A second set of ears can help ensure you don’t miss important details and provide emotional support, especially in overwhelming or emotional situations.

   • Clarify the next steps before leaving the appointment. Before you walk out, repeat what you must do after the visit, confirm how to follow up, and ensure you fully understand the care plan moving forward.

3. You know your body

   In the past, doctors and other healthcare professionals were often seen as all-knowing—almost god-like. But in my heart, I can’t fully buy into that.

   Do doctors go through extensive training? Yes. Do most doctors enter medicine because they genuinely want to help people? Absolutely. But they aren’t robots; they are human, and humans make mistakes.

   You are the only person who has lived in your body every single day, and you know its true ins and outs. If you’re caring for a loved one, you know them intimately. You recognize when a grimace signals pain, not just frustration. You notice when they’re more irritable than usual. You are attuned to their energy levels, demeanor, and personality in a way no one else can be.

   Trust that little voice inside your head that says, “Something doesn’t feel right.” Take a moment to pause, breathe, evaluate, and ask for clarification. Your intuition is a powerful tool in advocating for yourself or your loved ones.

This is why empowerment is one of the main pillars of HealthE Health Coaching. I teach clients how to be assertive in their care and the care of the people they love the most.

Mark your calendar — some upcoming events:

• IN PERSON Join me at the Stretch Lab and learn about my essential oil rollers and get a complimentary 15-minute stretch

  Date: Thursday, February 13th, 2025

  Time: 4 - 6 pm EST

  Location: 96th Street Stretch Lab

  2551 B Broadway, New York, NY 10025

• IN PERSON Swing by my essential oil both during the 2nd Annual All Things Cancer + Wellness Expo:

  Date: Saturday, April 19, 2025
  Time: 10 AM – 5 PM EST
  Location: DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel Philadelphia Center City
  237 South Broad Street, Philadelphia, PA 19107

• VIRTUAL: Instagram LIVE

  Join Tina and me, a healthy home advocate, to learn more about the immune system!

  Date: Wednesday, February 12th, 2025

  Time: 11:30 AM EST

• VIRTUAL: Instagram LIVE

  Join Ricky and me, a functional medicine practitioner, to dive into common lab values!

  Date: Tuesday, February 25th, 2025

  Time: 1 PM EST