When Growth Doesn’t Mean Growing Apart

This weekend, a friend came to visit and stay at my home, someone I have been friends with since high school.

Which means we have seen many versions of ourselves. We have been through the awkward phases, the “I’m not sure” phases, the “figuring it out” phases, the chaotic college years, the many boyfriends, friend group changes, and the “who am I and what do I want” decade.

We saw the versions of ourselves that were trying so hard to figure life out, but didn’t have the tools yet.

There’s something unique about friendships that begin that early. They hold pieces of your history that very few people witness. They remember who you were before you knew who you were becoming.

But sometimes something interesting happens when we reconnect with people who have known us for a long time.

It can be easy to fall back into our old personas. Easy to slip into familiar roles, old patterns of conversation, and outdated versions of ourselves in an effort to maintain the connection.

It’s like trying to swish your feet into an old favorite pair of shoes that are just a little too tight now.

In my experience, when we feel obligated to recreate that old version of ourselves, we limit our growth. We keep ourselves small so the relationship feels familiar. We stay within the boundaries of who we used to be rather than allowing the relationship to evolve with who we are now.

Sometimes we do this because of fear, or because a quiet thought tells us that maybe our true self may not be enough.

What if they don’t like the new version of me?

What if growth changes the relationship?

What if becoming more honest, more aware, or more grounded means we lose the connection altogether?

What if they don’t think I’m “cool” anymore or don’t have an interest in me anymore?

But this weekend reminded me that the most meaningful relationships, the ones worth the real investment of time, don’t require us to stay the same.

They grow with us.

My friend and I have both gone through our own journeys over the years.

We have had different experiences.

For me, those years included navigating perfectionism, navigating my inner self-critic, dealing with low self-worth, and creating different versions of myself that included disordered eating, panic attacks in college, and periods where I found no other way to ignore the noise except to push harder and drown it out.

At the time, none of it made sense. I was trying to control my life so tightly because somewhere deep down, I believed that control would create safety.

For her, it looked different, but she, too, had her coping mechanisms.

Back in those earlier years, my friend and I often processed life the only way we knew how. We vented. We spiraled. We complained. We justified. We analyzed every situation endlessly.

We talked about relationships, frustrations, and confusion about the future. We supported each other, but we were also sitting inside the chaos together.

Over the years, though, I have learned to forgive my younger self for not having the tools. I have gained self-love and self-worth, let go of old beliefs that held me back, and curated a life I wake up and love.

She, too, had her own growth experience.

At the beginning of my self-discovery process, I was nervous that she might not like this new version of me. I feared maybe figuring out some of these big things would be unappealing because I wasn’t in the chaos anymore.

This weekend, though, was a reminder that it was fear, and that the beauty in relationships is finding people who want to grow with you.

We still talked about life, our feelings, our relationships, and our plans for the future. But there was a different quality to it. A calmer energy. A deeper sense of presence.

Instead of spiraling, we listened.

Instead of trying to fix each other, we held space and offered advice when asked.

Instead of feeding each other’s anxiety, we shared perspectives.

We accepted and laughed a bit about the silliness of our youth. We talked about the way we think now, the things we’ve learned about ourselves, and the ways we are both continuing to grow.

They say that friends are there for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

And this, I believe, is true. Some of the most influential people in my life I no longer talk to because we stopped growing together. And that is okay. It’s okay to accept this, send them love, while also knowing that it is no longer the time for that friendship.

And then there are the lifetime relationships, the ones that allow you to grow, to expand, and champion you along the way. Where the past is acknowledged, the present is honest, and the future feels open.

This weekend reminded me that healing doesn’t just change the relationship we have with ourselves. It changes the way we show up for each other. As we grow, the way we think begins to shift, and because of that, we start to handle situations differently. Sometimes that growth creates an entirely new response from someone else. We can’t control how others respond, but sometimes changing ourselves changes the way they show up, too.

And sometimes the most beautiful part of growth isn’t just becoming a new version of yourself.

It’s discovering which relationships are able and willing to grow alongside you.

So this week, take a moment to think about the people in your life.

Who are the ones growing with you? And who may be people it is time to let go of?

If you’re curious how your nervous system tends to respond under stress, whether you tighten, over-function, internalize, or freeze, I created a short quiz to help you see your pattern clearly.

Because awareness is where change begins.

Services I offer:

• Reiki, 30 & 60 minutes

• Health Coaching Sessions using my NLP and Nursing background

• Essential oil rollers & all-purpose cleaning spray

Mark your calendar — some upcoming event

• IN PERSON, Fort Greene Market, Brooklyn:

  Date: Saturday, March 21st AND April 4th

  Time: 9 am - 4 pm EST

  Location: Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn, NY

• IN PERSON, F*CK THE HUSTLE, Brooklyn

  Discover the Freedom to Live & Lead Differently
  👉️ Learn how to pursue ambition without sacrificing well-being

  Date: Sunday, April 19th

  Time: 1- 3 pm EST

  Location: Life Wellness Center
  376 Tompkins Ave, Brooklyn, NY, 11216
  Tickets to come